It's me again

[mrs617]

Hey, I'm doing it! I've been able to successfully not only go to other journals, but also post a couple comments on the first try, so I thought I'd do a quick post before putting the baby down for his nap. This one will be about me!

I've kind of been in a 'holding pattern' of sorts for the last few months, and I'm trying to change that. Part of it is due to my lack of sleep (Raynier is still waking, on average, every three hours at night) and the drain that breastfeeding has on your body, and part of it is the emotional drain that is there when dealing with small children 24/7. Having said that though, complacency and procrastination have always been things that I struggle with, so I can't really blame the kids. The things I'm struggling with are making time for Bible reading, and maintaining even a moderately tidy home. I remember visiting my sister when she had only two or three little ones, and being embarrassed by the fact that she didn't keep her home tidier. Sorry Heather, I obviously had no place to judge! My Mama always told us that she kept her home clean even with four little ones, and the only difference I can see (other than personality) is that she didn't have internet/computers. I've thought about going on an internet fast (other than emails), but I can see me not holding myself to it, fudging here or there and then letting it go. So I've been trying to think of other practical ways to motivate myself. One thing I thought of yesterday was to take ten or fifteen minutes to clean something first whenever I feel like taking a break. I've tried doing it the other way, but once I sit down I don't feel like getting back up and working :P It is difficult keeping a good balance of spending time with the kids, keeping the house livable and keeping myself from getting emotionally spent. I do not want my kids growing up thinking that I always have to be cleaning and never spend time with them, but neither do I want them growing up in a pig sty.

Never mind, we'll get there in the end.

After all that though, I am very happy where I am. This whole mothering thing, as difficult as it can be sometimes, is my dream job, and jobs are more interesting when there are challenges, right? Right. I love having these beautiful children to focus my time and energy on. I love the rewards and overcoming challenges. I love that these little people love me and need me. I love seeing how much they are capable of, even as really small ones. I love seeing their accomplishments and the excited glow they get when they do something new.

And I really have fantastic support. Bryan is a big support and encouragement to me, and having his family nearby and constantly involved in our family is so fantastic. His parents have not only been great in-laws, they have proved to be wonderful Grandparents as well.

Anyway, enough about me, I have some children who are due for some attention (and not in a bad way either). <3

ETA: I just wanted to be sure that no one thinks I'm implying that my Mama didn't do things with us kids or anything like that by saying that her house was clean!

Comments

[ruthieroo.livejournal.com]

Are you sure your mom isn't just forgetting? C'mon, picture proof or the clean house and four kids didn't happen. ;) Anyway,I do know the struggle of striking a balance between cleaning all the time or else living in mess...a constant battle! Good habits do take awhile to form, that's for sure.

[lajea.livejournal.com]

I think we all understand the struggle! My Mom may have not had internet, but she had a reading habit and loved to sew. I don't recall our home being chaotic or dirty but then again, I was a kid. Whether we vacuumed or not didn't really affect me. :P But I'm certain she had less than impressive house days!

I can also get sucked into the black hole that is the internet and it's the first thing I do in my morning, with coffee, while Joel has breakfast. That's part of my wake-up routine and I like it. :) But to keep on track I also have a daily to-do list that I write out as I go or typically the night before. I have a white board by my washer and dryer that has our house divided by room and by task "dust, wash sheets, vacuum, etc." and I see it every day. I try to take a few tasks for each day.... if I try to do just a massive cleaning day it never works and I get as far as washing the toilets and I'm done and overwhelmed. :P I do dishes and laundry every day (not that I always FOLD the laundry, but it is clean!) Having my tasks broken down make it feel more doable and I can say on Monday, "I'll clean the bathrooms and wipe out the microwave." and then another day I'll do floors and dust or whatever. It helps me to not feel so pressured when I tear it apart into manageable bites.

I have also made a devotional time a priority but vs. trying to get it in first thing before I do ANYTHING (which is a little unrealistic) I plan it for the first part of Joel's nap when I know for certain I will get some quiet and some space to focus. I always make an iced coffee and turn on peaceful music. I may only read a few pages and may not even jot anything down in my journal - but I have that daily commitment and it has begun to feel more like a treat and a necessity than anything else. I used to feel guilty if I rested and got online if the toilets weren't clean - now I feel guilty and convicted if I sit down to kill time vs. taking 5 minutes to quiet my heart.

And by the way, the more I have done the things I WANT to do (devotions, working out, having an order for how I care for our home) the more I want to do it. I've cut out other parts of my life that I felt were have-to's (like getting together with other Mom's just-because) and now focus my time on my closest friends and our home - because that is truly what makes me happiest. Right now I feel almost giddy because my sink is empty and shiny, the dishwasher is going and I have a candle burning. It's the little things.

What is taking me like fifty paragraphs to say is find what really makes you happy and feel peaceful about your home, your kids, yourself.... and DO THOSE THINGS. All the rest, let it go. Someone else's focus may not be yours and that's okay. Someone may be crazy meticulous about clean corners where you are focused on another area. That's fine! There are not rules to motherhood and housewifery! You choose what is important in your home, to your family; what's going to take precedence. Sometimes I have to remind myself that throwing in another load of laundry is not as important as taking five minutes to read a book about farm animals to the little person yammering for my attention.

ANYWAY, just saying I totally get where you're at and understand!!!!! *HUGS*

♥

[lajea.livejournal.com]

Um, sorry I just wrote a BLOG. Haha!

[rowannrose.livejournal.com]

I love what you've said here and could echo a lot of it! I know some mothers with really small kids who have clean houses all or most of the time, but I also know that is all they pretty much do. They have no hobbies or other enjoyments that take their time. I rather look back and know I read that book or sewed that dress or wrote that blog entry--and, of course, spent time with my kids-- than to look back and know my house was always spotless. That just isn't as much of a priority for me!