Jan. 6th, 2011

I am determined to read my Bible more. This is not a resolution for the coming year, it is a determination to change a bit of my life. And it just so happens to fall near the new year.

Over the last couple years as things have gotten busier and busier for me, my personal devotions and Bible reading time have gotten more and more infrequent until now (dare I confess it), I'm pleased if I've read my Bible once in a week's time. As I have thought about this, and tried to figure out how to make a change, my first impulse was to be annoyed with myself, "I can make time for novels, movies and computer, but not for God??" but as I thought more deeply about it and tried to think how this has all come about, I have come to the conclusion that it wasn't really that way. The result was the same, of course, but the intentions were better. I've decided that my 'problem' was that I wanted to give my full attention to God. And at this point in my life, this isn't as easily as attained as it sounds. Most of my novel reading is done while the baby is going to sleep, cranky and just needing held, or while I'm sitting in with the older children waiting for them to go to sleep. None of those are conducive to 'giving my full attention to God'. And my movie watching and computer time are spent either while resting while watching the kids, or once they're all in bed and my mind is shutting down. And so I feel like that's not a good time for Bible reading either, as I can't 'give my full attention to God'.

Having come to these conclusions though, I know that the answer is not "well, if you can't give your full attention to God, I guess you should just wait a few years until you can." No, I have decided that I need to give what I can, and God will do the rest. He made a little bit of bread and fish feed thousands of people, he can take my little bit of devotions and say, "this is her gift to me, it is good, it is enough." And also, the other way around, he can take these little snatches of God time and make them bear fruit.

I may fall asleep over my Bible this year, and I may have to get up to check on kids and lose my place, and I may end up reading several passages over several times before I remember that I have already read them, but at least I have begun to spend that time with God again, my little snatches of quiet time. And maybe that little bit of quiet (or not so quiet) reading will refresh and relax my spirit just enough to get through that next cranky time or toddler argument or mess or combination of the three.

And ironically, as I scientifically open my Bible at random to determine where I shall start reading, I decide to read the book of Ecclesiastes. Who knows best the futility of things than a mother of small children? ;)

I don't intend to set specific goals either quantity of time or chapters, as I think that would lead to frustration and discouragement when they weren't fulfilled. Rather I will leave it with "I am determined to read my Bible more." And, by the grace of God, I will achieve it.

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mrs617

August 2011

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